


The Plumber

by ShineeRedKookie



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Female Derek Hale, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Human Derek Hale, Human Erica Reyes, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShineeRedKookie/pseuds/ShineeRedKookie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Erica. . .  it's happened again." Stiles winced at the snort on the other line. "Seriously," he groaned. "Could you just give me the number." Stiles heaved a sigh. "It's and old apartment?" He tried to lie. He was NOT telling her the truth. "Just give me the number for the plumber."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Plumber

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is going to be slight crack . . . I hope you like this. This is all spun from a white van that read "Derek the Plumber". Plot bunnies took over.
> 
> Please understand my knowledge of batman and everything surrounding is a little limited. Please bare with me. And I hope you enjoy!

Stiles gets one day off a week. Well, more or less. He usually doesn't get the whole day off. Cause teenagers are stupid. And when they do really stupid stuff, the cops or called.

A small smile covered his lips at the though of the gold badge that gleamed on his dresser. He had known the moment high school was . . . well, he had known the moment he was in third grade and his dad came in for  _Career_ Day. Stiles was going to be a cop when he grew up.

And now he was. His father had retired . . . for the most part. He still helped on a case from time to time. But Stiles had stepped into the station righter after graduation. He had worked hard. Very hard to become the sheriff at the tender age of 26. Now,  _that_ was something to be proud of.

What Stiles was currently doing . . . not so much. A blush wormed its way across his cheeks.  _This is sad. I need friends._ Stiles groaned. "I have friends."  _You need more friends._ "Scotty and the rest are fine!"  _Do you see what you are doing right now?_ Stiles snorted. "Besides talking to myself?"  

His dark eyes gleamed happily as he stared at his once clean kitchen. Well, it was still clean. It was! It had just turned into a clean battle field.

Batman had finally set aside - at least for now - his qualms with Superman.  They had bigger problems at the moment. They had bigger fish to fry, and of course a damsel in distress to save. There always had to be a damsel in distress.

No, Stiles had not lost it. He was bored. Which led him to pulling out his actions figures . . . and creating a war that needed to end. This was not the first time. And unfortunately, as Stiles life went - it wouldn't be the last either.

Batman had just gained intel that the Joker would be striking soon. An official all out attack would begin. Especially if they couldn't rescue Black Canary in time. 

Yes, she could hold her own. That scream was Banshee worthy. But the Joker had made quick silence of that.

Stiles surveyed the area. The island had been turned into a rocky prison place where Black Canary was being held. The stove and bar stool area was the Justice League quarters. And the rest was metropolis.

Batman was running out of time. They needed to act quick or poor Black Canary was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean - the tiled floor - forever.

You see, Stiles had two kinds of action figures. Collectors Editions and Action Figures he would play with. Which, he liked to call it Scenario Assessments. It kept his cop mind primed and ready to go. His dad believed him, most of the time. Okay, okay - some of the time.

He grabbed Batman and Superman. They were going to split up and meet on the other side, they would contact each other if something happened before that. Batman was the first to encounter Joker's goons.

Stiles moved carefully with the  _Joker_ grenade in his hand. He didn't want to drop it down the sink . . . it was his last one.

Batman dodged the grenade and took down the goons with ease. He continued on his trek, searching for Black Canary. They needed to find her before it was too late.

Stiles stopped on the other side of the island.

Batman and Superman had not been able to find any other entrance but this one. They needed to be careful. Knowing the Joker - it very well could be rigged. Batman nodded at Superman and took a right, they would split up. One would go after Black Canary and the other would go after the Joker.

Stiles shifted as he placed the batarang in Batman's hand. He grabbed the Joker in the other hand.

Batman had found the Joker. It was time he was silenced for good. The Joker had done enough evil. They would end this fight here. And they would end it now. 

Stiles blinked repeatedly as he stared down at his sink drain. That was  _not_ how that was supposed to go. He swallowed and blinked once more. Willing the small plastic knife and batarang to fly up from the sink.  It was . . . unfortunately not the first thing that had fallen down the drain. There was, by chance, still a tiny grenade and the Joker's snapping teeth. A deadly contraption. 

His shoulders slumped. That was his last batarang.  His eyes narrowed. This meant two things. One. The Joker was going to get away - but Superman had indeed found and saved Black Canary. And Two. He had to call Erica for a plumber number. There was no way his father was going to come back out to the apartment for  _that._

 He heaved a sigh and glared at the cellphone in his hand. Stiles lifted it too his ear and waited for Erica. "Hello beautiful blonde goddess of my life."

"What do you need?" Erica's brows furrowed as her eyes narrowed.  "Vernon Jr! Do not make me come over there." Erica rolled her eyes as she turned away from her son. He was just as mischievous as her.

Stiles floundered. "I can't just call my best girl pal?"

"NO," Erica snorted. "That is not possible and you know it." A smirk covered her ruby colored lips. It flattened quickly. "Vernon Jr, just because I am not facing you does not mean I cannot see you." She heaved a sigh. "I cannot wait till break is over."

He chuckled.  "Erica. . .  it's happened again." Stiles winced at the snort on the other line. A blush covered his cheeks. "You shouldn't talk this way to the sheriff."

"The sheriff shouldn't be _playing_ around on his day off." She rolled her eyes. 

Stiles whimpered quietly, she was going to hold this against him. Erica knew it. Stiles knew it. They both did. She was dangerous. "Seriously," he groaned. "Could you just give me the number."

 "What do I get in return?" Erica cackled. "Nothing is free."

Stiles heaved a sigh. "It's and old apartment?" He tried to lie. He was NOT telling her the truth. "The drain clogs."

"We both know that clog is nothing to do with regular stuff." Erica smirked. "What did you loose this time."

He bit at his lower lip. "My last baratang." A blush rose high on his cheeks at the laughter that filled the air. "Just give me the number for the plumber."

. . . 

"You lied!" Was the first thing Stiles hissed into the phone as he glared out of his apartment window. "You did not tell me about this option!"

Erica let out a startled laugh. "What?" Her brows furrowed. 

"The  _Plumber_!"

Her nose scrunched. "Jerry?" Erica shook her head and tucked a couple strands of hair behind her ear. "First, I didn't know Stiles moved  _that_ way." She cleared her throat as a vicious smile took over. "If I had, we could have made a lot of head way.?

"Yeah . . . Wait!" Stiles cried out. "What?" His brows furrowed. "There is no way that is Jerry." He shook his head and glanced out of the window once more. No way. "I thought Jerry had a gut."

Erica's brows furrowed. "He does." She licked her lips as she placed the freshly made batch of cookies on the counter to cool. "Jerry is also a little to old for you."

"Yeah . . ." Stiles stared at the gleaming six pack his plumber sported. "This is not Jerry." He swallowed hard as his tongue started to swell and his mouth filled with sandpaper. "This is so not Jerry." The narrowed waist and taught gleaming stomach did not belong to _Jerry_.

Erica smirked. "Ooh! It's probably one of the helpers then." A wicked smile crossed her lips. "Maybe they can unclog  _your_ drain." She cackled.

"Erica!" His hissed as a deep blush covered his cheeks. It wasn't that Stiles was protesting. He glanced back out of the window from his forth floor apartment. Stiles would _never_ protest. "Yeah," Stiles nodded stupidly as he stared out of the window. There was a slight chance he was going to faint. "I'm going to call and cancel." A whimper fell form his lips. "Dad can just come over."

Erica snorted. "It's too late. The guy would still come up and get a finder's fee." She rolled her eyes. "Stop being a baby."

"Erica!" Stiles shrieked into the phone. "Has it suddenly escaped your mind how I am around hot people in general." He flailed. "This one is Hot with two T's!!" Another whine fell from his lips. "What do I do?" 

Erica cackled at the prospect. "Grab a drink!" She rolled her eyes. "It will keep your mouth busy."

"No!" His voice hitched as it climbed an octave to two. "Don't you remember what happened last time?" 

 _It was horrid.  It was back when he still had a fixation on Lydia Martin. She had looked at him. Well, she had probably looked_ through _him. But with the stupid thing he had done, yeah, she had definitely looked_ at _him._

_He had been sitting with Scott and Boyd. Allison and Lydia had just entered the cafeteria. Stiles had a sip of water and in his mouth. And well . . . He went stupid when he saw Lydia Martin. He went to smile and say hello._

"Oh yeah!" Erica's nose scrunched. "It might look better than when you were sitting." She laughed. "Looking like you evacuated yourself."

Stiles snorted. His eyes widened.  _'That means it looked like Stiles peed himself sweetie.'_ His eyes flew open wide. "Erica!" Stiles groaned. "I will never be the cool uncle again."

"Oops!" Erica cackled happily over the phone. "You will be fine!" 

Stiles sucked in a breath as a knock was heard on the door. "Yeah, gotta go."

"Get laid!" Erica exclaimed before hanging up.

A blush wormed its way across his cheeks as he rubbed his sweaty hands against the front of his jeans. "This was not his day." The plumber was not supposed to be hot. The plumber was never supposed to be hot. And definitely not H-O-T-T, hot. This was not Stiles' day.

He jumped as he heard the knock again. Stiles moved towards the door and pulled it open. A grimacing smile covered his face.

"Stilinski?"

He nodded. It wasn't safe for him to speak.It really wasn't, word vomit as a disease that many suffered from.

"Well?" A finely eyebrow arched.

 _Emotionally constipated._ Stiles felt a tight smile come across his lips.  He nodded and took a step back to let the other in. Stiles quiet suddenly felt intimidated. And those brows, a work of intimidating art.

"You are going to have to use your words." Flat eyes stared back at Stiles. "I don't magically know where the problem is."

Stiles frowned. "You don't need to be rude."

"Staring is rude too." 

A blush covered his cheeks at the tight smirk the other flashed. "The kitchen sink!" He forced out. A silent horrified gasp fell from his lips. He had forgotten to clean of the battle zone.

"Um, you seem a little  _old_ to be playing with  _toys._ "

His eyes hardened. "Action figures." No body was allowed to talk about them like they were simply toys. That was  _unacceptable_. "And you seem to be really rude towards the sheriff for no reason." His eyes narrowed. "An unpaid parking ticket, perhaps?" Stiles didn't remember pulling over someone this hot. And he would have.

"Seriously, " a put-out sigh filled the air. "This sink?" 

Stiles nodded. He needed to learn to keep his mouth shut sometimes.

"So what  _action figure accessories_ am I looking for?"

His eyes narrowed at the tone.  _Screw it_. "I get that you must deal with crap all day . . . but if you don't like your job, find another one." Stiles took a step back. "I can easily call a different plumber." He was already being humiliated, he didn't need the  _tone_ too.

"What am I looking for?"

A blush covered his cheeks once more. "A knife, batarang, a grenade and a pair of teeth." Stiles cleared his throat and busied himself by beginning to clean up.

"Really?" The eyebrow arched once more.

Stiles shrugged. He needed something to sort of help preoccupy him. Stiles blinked a few times as he stared down at the flat line of stomach the greeted him. This was  _so_ much better than butt crack. "I'm not saying you aren't smart . . ." oh! He'd opened his mouth. Stiles held in a flinch as the other stilled. Well, it was to late now.

"And?"

He groaned. "You just seem way to beautiful to work in this particular  _field_." That in no way sounded offensive . . . right? His shoulders rose as the body moved out from under the sink area. Was that anger? It looked like anger.

"Because I'm a woman?"

Stiles swallowed hard. "No,"  _because your hot_ . . . didn't sound like the best way to continue. "That's not . . ." There was no way out of this particular moment in his life. Stiles heaved a sigh.  "You are beautiful." His brows furrowed as he stared. "You have to know that."

"Listen."

He held his hands up. "Woah! No disrespect." A smirk covered his lips at the blush that was working across the other's sharp cheek bones. "I'm the sheriff, I know how to respect people." He swallowed. "I was just expecting Jerry!" He froze, body going stiff at the giggles that filled the air around him. Was it too soon to say he liked that giggle?

"I'm definitely not Jerry."

Stiles head bobbed up and down. He wanted to hear her giggle again. Her laugh. He would faint at the sound of her really laughing. And that smile. Perfect white teeth gleaming, in two straight lines. What would they feel like against his skin? Stiles shook his head. Now was not the place or time. And she still had a wrench in her hand.

A smirk stayed on her lips as she knelt back down under the sink. She made quick work of the pipe. Her brows furrowed. "There is also a small plastic lasso?" She chuckled. "Do I presume this is Wonder Woman's?"

"Yes." Stiles smiled broadly at the playful look the other gave him. "She has been miserable without it." A blush wormed its way across his cheeks. "The Joker took it last Tuesday." He couldn't shut up.

She didn't fight the smile that clung to her lips. "That was a very mean thing to do."

"Yeah," Stiles snorted and rubbed at the back of his neck. He really needed to learn when to shut up.

Her eyes glittered as she cleaned off her hands.  Her lips pursed as she jotted a few things down onto her clip board. "Okay, we at Hale Plumbing, kindly ask that you mail in your check or pay online." She set the clipboard down as she removed a thin yellow paper. "I have your receipt."

"No problem," Stiles smiled as he took the paper. And this is where she left and laughed at him the entire way back to the office. Surely, with the intent to tell  _Jerry_ too.

She nodded. "I would suggest putting up a safety net over the sink." Her eyes sparkled as they trailed over his form. "But I wrote my cell number down in case it happened again."

Stiles blinked for a few. A wide smile crossed his lips. "Yeah?"

"Oh course," She nodded with all seriousness. "We can't have Wonder Woman loosing her lasso for that long."

He grinned. "And you let Jerry know I have a new plumber?" Stiles grin widened as her laughter surrounded the area. Perfect. He glanced down at the receipt in his hands. "My name is Stiles."

"Derica. Derica Hale." Her eyes twinkled. "And I've never been handcuffed . . . Sheriff."


End file.
